Circumstances of a Fallen Lord

“Thank you.
Thank you so much.
I’ll repay this favor, someday,” Luisen said.

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     “We’re only doing one lap of the village.”

     “Yes.
That’s fine.
I can’t shamelessly hope for more than that.”

     Carlton had once again seated Luisen on the saddle and started his horse.
Luisen held tightly onto Carlton’s clothes–fear was forgotten for determination.

     ‘Why did I agree to this?’ Carlton thought.
He could feel tension passing from Luisen’s body to his.
The lord’s tremors could have easily gotten on Carlton’s nerves, but the feel of his body eased his senses.

     For Luisen, whose body had been plastered against Carlton’s back, the knight he had been so afraid of was temporarily no longer his biggest concern.

     The town’s situation was too severe.

     The people who took to the streets were in better condition–they at least had the energy to move and shout.
The rest of the villagers simply didn’t seem to have the strength to leave their houses.
Thus, many of the roads were empty, and all normal activity had halted.
With no promise of when this crisis would pass, the villagers were engulfed by endless anxiety.

     One corner of the village housed people that had fled their homes for the castle or its outskirts: farmers who had thought that the castle surroundings would be safer, and the families of the conscripted soldiers.
They lived in temporary tents and used worn blankets for beds.
The cold season had not started in earnest, but still the weather was not kind to the homeless.
Tired and ill, they could only roll their eyes to follow Luisen as he passed by.

     Their eyes were incredibly lethargic; in their unfocused pupils, Luisen perceived deep hunger.

     It was a pain that Luisen knew well.

“”

     Starvation made one hungry, at first.
Then, the intestines will twist in pain, and the brain will only be filled with thoughts of food.
Only animal instincts remained.

     Rotten fruit, moldy bread, muddy grass roots…

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     For the sake of eating, for the sake of filling the stomach, starvation drove you to ignore nausea and stuff anything you could grab into your mouth.
You would do anything for a crumb–hard labor, begging, stealing, even prostitution.

     Then, when the hunger was temporarily sated and you would return to your senses, you’d be horrified at your behavior.
Your ego would cry out in misery and disgust.
And yet, even as your pride crumbled, the food–wretched morsels–would taste so sweet.

     Luisen sympathized with the anguish these villagers were currently feeling.

     He groaned.
‘Why couldn’t I have checked in on the village before the situation got so severe? Why didn’t I notice the signs when I was riding through? I can’t believe I congratulated myself for being a good lord when such pain was brewing right underneath my nose.’ A sense of shame filled his being.

     “….Let’s just return to the castle,” Luisen said, voice filled with emotion.
His heart would carry the villagers’ misery with him.

     Carlton silently rode the horse back to the castle.

 

***

 

     After arriving at the castle, Luisen headed straight for the general’s room.
There was no one more knowledgeable than him, the lord’s deputy.

     “General!”

     A frantic Luisen burst into the room.
The general’s eyes widened at Luisen’s appearance–where had the prince-like figure loved by minstrel songs gone? He had been clean when he’d left, but here his clothes were torn, as if he had rolled around in the underbrush.

     “What happened? What about the battle?”

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     “…That’s been cancelled.
I fell behind and was left in the middle of town and got caught up with the villagers.”

     “Was there a riot?”

     “Yes.”

     The general was greatly surprised.
He knew that his lord would struggle while riding, but he didn’t think Luisen wouldn’t even be able to leave the castle outskirts.
The path was a straight, well-travelled road! Even without further explanation, the general could imagine the chaotic situation.
A lord appearing in the middle of a frenzy of hungry citizens; it was obvious something dire could have happened.

     “And what about Ruger? What was the chief attendant doing, if not protecting you?!” the general said.
Ruger had learned martial arts specifically to safely accompany Luisen as his aide and escort.

     “It was too chaotic.
But more importantly, it seems you knew about the town’s situation?”

     “I was expecting something of the sort….but I didn’t expect that you wouldn’t even be able to make it through the territory gates….”

     “No, I’m not talking about that!” Luisen shouted in a fit of anger.
“Why didn’t you tell me that all the villagers were starving to death? Are you telling me that you lapsed in your duty while the people were living so poorly?!”

     The general frowned and opened his eyes wider.
“Don’t tell me….You had no idea of the current state of the territory?” he asked as if he couldn’t understand Luisen’s words.

     “What?”

     “To fund support for the second prince, I reported that we must commandeer the nearby village and requisition their warehouses.
Afterwards, rations would be distributed to the people.
I’m certain I got your consent for this.” The general was a thorough man; he wasn’t one to implement drastic measures without the lord’s say so.

     Luisen had really forgotten all about this.

     He was clumsy with paperwork.
From the age of six, Luisen had merely signed the papers the general had placed in front of him.
He had frantically signed countless documents and letters, his eyes growing tired beneath the terrifying amount of work.
The young lord had never fully read all the papers.

     In addition, that paperwork was years ago for Luisen now.
The shock of burning fields and rampant death was enough to make one forget relatively trivial matters.

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     But, those were paltry excuses now–especially in the face of the villagers’ pain and suffering.

     Luisen felt a deep sense of shame.
Tears welled up in his eyes.

     “….Did you really forget? How could you…Didn’t I personally explain these details?” The general was similarly taken aback.
Luisen had signed this proposal by his own hands–not one year ago, but only a month ago.
He would have never imagined the lord would forget; he’d assumed Luisen knew of the village’s plight but could do nothing because of Carlton’s interference.

     So, the general had hushed all information regarding the village and had been secretly considering methods to rescue them.

     “Haah…” the general plainly expressed his disappointment.

     “Haven’t I told you, time and time again…Don’t forget that you’re the master of these golden fields.”

     “…And the true treasury of this kingdom are these golden fields.
And that the Anies who govern this place are an honorable family, so I must act accordingly to protect this land.
I know, General.” Luisen had heard these words from the general’s mouth ever since he was young.
Though it seemed, whether past or present, Luisen had not once fully embodied this message.

     Luisen was too anguished and distressed to sit still.
The general’s gaze pierced him like many tiny needles.
The lord sprang up from his seat before pacing around the room.
He walked to an open window.

     The plains stretching beyond the shallow, rolling hills were drenched in the colors of the sunset.
Gold, yellow, and red….the view was upsetting, so Luisen closed his eyes.

     However, in the dark of his own mind, blocking the view only amplified his feelings.

     After returning to the past, he felt as if he was only making more stupid mistakes and committing more wrongdoings.

     ‘What can I do? What was I even thinking?’

     Just as Luisen had regained some confidence, he once again became disappointed in himself.
Suddenly, he felt the urge to hide forever in shame.

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     In his despair, Luisen habitually asked himself, ‘What should I do, Saint-nim?’

     In the past, when Luisen had woken up from his nightmares and sobbed for fear of the dead, the saint had kindly wiped his back.

     The saint had said, “If you’re afraid of the dark, don’t cover yourself with a blanket and hide from it.
Open your eyes and turn on the light.
The more you avoid and avert your eyes, your fear will grow endlessly and weigh you down.”

     Luisen thought…and thought again.

     ‘That’s right.
I can’t avoid this.’

     The young lord opened his eyes.
He took in the beautiful scenery of his hometown and recalled how badly he missed this view.
How much he wanted to return to this time.

     The general looked at Luisen without much expectation.

     The young Luisen had a weak temperance and a tendency to give up at any sort of obstacle.
In particular, he hated to be criticized.
‘I’m sure he’ll cry and give up,’ the general thought.

     But the Luisen that returned to the table seemed somehow different.

     “As I have said before, I have no regrets with surrendering.
Like you said, the Duke of Anies has a responsibility to protect this territory.
I did my job.”

     “….”

     “And, about the starvation issue….Since I’ve forgotten them, it’s my fault.
I’ll fix it immediately.” Luisen’s eyes belied his firm will; he was determined not to compromise.

     The general was greatly surprised.
A hard wicker spine had formed inside of a soft cotton doll.
In Luisen, who now looked strangely mature, the general had found the vestiges of the preceding duke, whom he had admired for most of his life.

     “Do you have a plan?” The general’s tone became unwittingly polite.