You Have Everything I Dislike

  ~In our CP pairing, I am responsible for wisdom and beauty, while the third master is in charge of finding fault and making stupid mistakes.
Yes, that is the case…… Of course, there are also occasions when the third master’s IQ suddenly shoots up.~

  

When I was in high school, I did not like doing homework, but I was as timid as a sesame seed and didn’t dare to skip handing in my papers.
So, every month after school vacation, I would be the first one to go to the classroom earlier than anybody else (for this reason, I specifically applied for the honorable position of key-holder, in charge of opening the door).
Sitting stoically in my seat, I would stare at the door, waiting for the kind man to come to my rescue.

This kind-hearted man was usually the Third Master.

I also borrowed other people’s homework “for reference” at the time.
When compared to others’ homework, the third master’s answers were more accurate, and the steps were not overly complicated.
What’s more, his answers took up most of the space on my answer sheets, so I especially liked borrowing the third master’s homework.

For a simple high school student, someone who could lend their homework to others and save their lives, had their own glory! 

So every time I went back to school after a lengthy break in school, I would look at the third master like a dog who had just seen a large slab of meat and bones. 

My eyes were glued to him the moment he walked through the door until he sat down and took out his homework.
After some time, he came over and put it on my desk. 

Every movement he made during this whole process was incredibly attractive!

I was particularly impressed with him during one summer vacation. 

I didn’t finish answering more than half of the Calculus questions in “Summer Vacation Garden”.
Although I knew the teacher would certainly not look at it, I was still uneasy in my heart, so I called the third master on the phone for help.

He said, “I finished my homework already.
You come and get it.”

I joyfully got on the bus and rode from the old town to the new town to find him.
As soon as I got off the bus, I saw the third master standing under the stop sign waiting for me. 

Upon seeing me, he didn’t say anything, and directly handed the copy of the garden homework.

Dumbfounded, I took it and let out a “thank you”.
I turned around and saw the bus, which was going to my home, arriving.
I hurriedly ran across the road, took the bus, and left.
I didn’t think about it too much until I was already on the bus. 

Wouldn’t it be too shameless to run away after taking the homework?

Years later, I firmly believed that the act of third master lending me his homework was the first step to hooking me in.
I asked him, “Did you always know that I preferred using the shortest solution when it came to solving math problems? That’s probably why you deliberately kept your answers brief and simple!”

The third master looked visibly puzzled as he replied, “Didn’t you say something about your vacation homework? That putting in two formulas and an answer was enough since the teacher didn’t even bother reading it.
Uh, did you misunderstand me again…”

Finally knowing the truth, the tears in my eyes fell down.

  

After that ambiguous summer vacation when we graduated from high school, we started college filled with curiosity and longing for a new life.
After the military training and the chaotic period of getting to know new students, I suddenly missed the Third Master and sent him a WeChat message on a dark, windy night.

Too lazy to type, I decided to send him a voice message instead: 

Where are you?

The Third Master had to raise his voice amidst the rather noisy background:

Out having dinner.

At that moment, I felt inexplicably lost.
It felt as if his new life was already very colorful and that new life no longer had me as his “best friend in the universe”. 

I said: 

Oh, let’s chat instead then.

The third master then changed to typing: 

【You say.】

I typed back: 

【Let’s have a long-distance relationship.】

The third master asked: 

【Why?】

I was speechless.
There were a hundred thousand reasons why!

I began to prattle: 

【You see, winter’s already here.
Isn’t it better for two people to huddle together to stay warm on a cold day than for one to get cold?】

The Third Master then told me: 

【The temperature here in Xiamen is 28 degrees during the day.
I’m currently wearing a sleeveless shirt and shorts.】

I was once again speechless, so I said:

【You should go finish your dinner.】

After that, I would contact the third master from time to time, sometimes jokingly, and sometimes I would be choked-speechless by him.
On more than one occasion, I’d bring up my extremely constructive proposal of a “long-distance relationship”, but he would always refuse.

In the end, I only got more and more frustrated. 

I told the third master, “Let’s have a long-distance relationship.
Seriously, I won’t play around, and the both of us won’t find anyone else.”

Third Master quickly returned and said, “Okay.”

I was a bit underwhelmed by his response.

“…… Is that all?”

“What else is there to say?” the third master asked back.

In the next few months, for some unknown reason, I always felt like I just jumped into a pit the third master had dug.

After falling in love, I also questioned him, “Why am I chasing you.
No, you have to chase me again! This isn’t fair at all! It’s too embarrassing to even talk about!”

At that time, the third master was no longer the good boy he used to be.
In a lazily perfunctory tone, he said, “I liked you first, so you’re chasing me first.
That’s reasonable, in my opinion.
I’m no longer that seventeen to eighteen-year-old child anymore.
Stop making trouble, and go eat barbecue!”

I couldn’t stop myself from following him uncontrollably.
While walking, I felt terribly wronged in my heart. 

Even though “I’m no longer that seventeen to eighteen-year-old child anymore,” I’m only nineteen years old myself…

  

The Third Master always seemed to have a big heart, and sometimes I’d help him find some vinegar to eat.

One time, I saw a boy, who used to have a crush on me, had written a post about a small and fresh state of literature1T/N: a forum post about love before.
Immediately, I called the third master, and began spouting nonsense. 

“I’m choking.
This child is definitely missing me!”

The third master was playing a game at the time and had the phone tucked between his ears and shoulders.
From time to time, I could hear the shouts of his game characters.
He asked pretty indifferently, “So?”

I freaked out.
“Don’t you have a sense of crisis?”

The third master said calmly, “What sense of crisis do you feel? He has a new love, and you have me.
What else can happen?”

I frightened him.
“Aren’t you afraid that his old crush on me will resurface, and I’ll go to him instead?

The third master first despised my comeback skills before saying, “Six months ago, I might’ve been afraid, but this time, I’m not.”

I instantly understood the deeper meaning behind his words and said sadly, “You can keep playing…”

After hanging up the phone, I dashed to the mirror behind the door, looking at myself from every angle. 

“Am I fatter now than when I started school?” I asked my roommate.

My roommate gave me a critical blow, “You didn’t notice at all? You’ve gained more than ten pounds, you know?”

I never thought about this question.
I was taken aback and began rummaging through my closet for my old pants and skirts, only to find out that… they were all too tight to put on! 

NO!

This situation made me very sad, and in order to make the third master feel a sense of crisis, I decided to lose weight.
I skipped dinner and only ate two meals a day.
After a week, I lost three pounds, so I happily reported to the third master.

The third master asked in shock, “Are you trying to lose weight?”

I said, “You just found out… How indifferent are you of me!”

The third master said, “I have no way of knowing if you haven’t even told me.
How much have you lost?”

I was proud.
“Three pounds!”

The third master actually laughed and told me, “That effect is quite ordinary.
I think people who want to lose weight don’t actually eat three full meals a day.
They just eat fruit.
You don’t eat at night, but how can you lose weight if you eat so much during the day?”

He had a point, so I started eating only apples and eggs the next day.

After a day, two days… 

On the third day, I received a snack courier, and the box’s tag said, “For Xiaobu’s roommate”!

So they cheered while unpacking the box, then ate to their hearts’ content.
Sitting on the bed, I looked at them sorrowfully as I silently pulled out my phone. 

“Why do this and… Not buy one for me?”

The third master seriously replied, “You lose weight first.
When you lose weight, I’ll buy it for you.”

I listened to the third master’s shameless coaxing and looked back at the joyful crowd of people eating.
I flopped down and wailed, “I don’t wanna lose weight anymore! I also want to eat jelly.
I also want to eat chocolate.
I also want to eat dried durian.
Honey, I was wrong! You buy it for me, okay….”

The third master’s tone instantly changed, “That’s right, the fleshier you are, the better you feel to touch.
Your package will arrive in two days.
Good girl.”

I mourned for a few seconds for the flesh on my body before flinging myself on the bed to grab snacks with my roommates.

My roommate said that this vicious plan to fatten me up was the smartest thing Third Master had ever done.